Sickness
by ACertainJustice
Summary: Angsty Character Death...but give it a chance...CatSara M for coarse language


**A/N Just a ficlet...you know the drill...tis not mine and i'm to tired to think of something funny to say on the disclaimer.**

She is shaking uncontrollably, her long frame pressed up against my body- desperate for body warmth. Her skin burns against mine as flesh sizzles…never mind her being cold, she felt as though lava had found its way through her system.

She is frantic now, desperately trying to rid herself of the pain. Tears seep down her beautiful face. God she is so beautiful. I reach out to stroke her cheek as I fight down another ball of panic. Her skin is clammy and the only thing I want to do now is rid her of the fever. My attempts are useless, but still I try I vain.

I rise with soft reassuring words, but that doesn't stop her from clawing desperately at my shirt, begging me to stay. The tears roll freely now, and for the sixth time that night I ask her- no demand her- to go to the hospital. Still, through the pain of her fever she shakes her head no. Our fingers entwine, dwindling for a moment before I gently separate us and search for some more Tylenol. With a sigh I exit the room, not once questioning her sanity and my judgment about not making her go to the hospital.

When I return to the bedroom I am hit with musky scent of sickness. The sheets are tangled around her muscles legs, draping over her disgustingly flat stomach. She murmurs softly and reaches for me, never opening her eyes. I hold her hand tightly and place my other hand over her burning forehead. She squirms slightly as I replace my hand with a cool washcloth. She struggles before realizing what it is, then sinks down into the covers, resting her head on my lap.

I stroke her dampened hair, murmuring to her softly.

"Get better baby…all I want you to do is get better…"

We both know that all this is a lie…a façade. We both know that in a matter of minutes the deathly pale body that I hold so dearly will be gone. The ambulance is on speed dial…911 takes to long. I place the phone by her resting head, but I know that it's no use. Her cancer has run its course, and there is nothing we can do now but wait. I told her to wait at the hospital where pain meds would be available but she didn't want that. Instead she chose to spend her last living moments in the comfort of her own bed, being attended not by a large nurse with collagen lips, but by her own lover.

I am proud to call myself her lover, as we've been through everything together. From the day she lost her job to the day the gang found out about us, the cancer, everything. We've been through shootings and hard cases, through criminals and victims. We've been through Grissom and Eddie, and everything else under the sun. We where meant to be lovers, soul mates…and to hear her say that she wants to spend the rest of her days with me…God, she is beautiful.

When the doctor said that she only had a few days left, I thought he was pulling some mean trick. I thought- no prayed- that her brother would pop out the supply closet and yell surprise. But after that, the disbelief, the shock, the numbness…It was all swept away in a matter of second by a mind blowing pain. So when she asked me in the little voice that she had left if I would be okay with you dying at home I cried no. I cried no and swept her back to our house all in one breath.

Her sobs subside slowly, as I am pulled out of my daydream by the harsh reality called death. Her breathing is slowing now….

Panic gribbles at my stomach, filling me with the nauseating thought that the woman I love so dearly is going to leave me. Suddenly the pain is gone, leaving behind the anger. I am angry at god, I am Angry and myself and I am angry at her…no. I am never angry at her. No, if only she would fight it.

"No…NO fight damm it! Don't you dare fuckin leave me!"

No

No

I can't let her go…

Please god; don't take her from me yet. You don't deserve her, you don't even need her! I need her; I can't fuckin live without her!

Give me one more day God; give me one more fuckin day

No

no

I love you Sara…I love you.

**Thanks guys! Any feedback will be much apreciated.**


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